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Old 09-02-13, 03:51 PM   #1

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Default Murdered wife by suffocating with his fart in a dutch oven (true story)

may have been posted before as its old news, but - wow! who knew that Indian food could kill you?

And how did his lawyer keep a straight face in court?

Husband Convicted Of Manslaughter After Dutch Oven Goes "Horribly Wrong"

Mr Brian Flannery was convicted of 2nd Degree Manslaughter today at Peckham Crown Court, receiving a 5 year suspended sentence for the accidental death of his wife, Gloria Flannery, by toxic suffocation, after he gave her a 'Dutch Oven' that went, as the Judge described it, 'horribly, horribly wrong'.

The case for the prosecution argued for the charge of Murder, putting it to the court that, late one weekday evening as Mrs Flannery was reading a Jackie Collins novel in bed and unwinding for sleep, she was suddenly and forcibly pinned under the duvet by Mr Flannery, who sealed the edges with his weight while simultaneously releasing an enormous bolus of flatulence, which displaced all the available oxygen so that Mrs Flannery passed out nearly instantly, and was dead within 30 seconds.

Arguing for the defence, Mr Cavendish QC, stated that Mr Flannery was deeply upset and regretful. The incident was intended as a light-hearted practical joke, indeed it was the first time Mr Flannery had even tried what is commonly known on the street as a 'Dutch Oven', and even then only after hearing some friends talking one evening in the pub after five-a-side football, about 'doing it' to their wives 'all the time'.

They argued that Mr Flannery had miscalculated two crucial factors which led to the tragic outcome. The first being Mrs Flannery's military tucking in of the 600 weight cotton sheets when she made the bed that morning, which created a near airtight seal . Secondly, Mr Flannery had neglected to remember that he had attended a long business lunch at an Indian restaurant on Brick Lane that day, at which he had consumed a dozen onion Bajees, eight Poppadom, six Samosas, and an extra large beef Vindaloo with garlic naan, all washed down with 8 pints of Guinness beer. The resulting trapped wind, which he released within a 6 inch proximity of Mrs Flannery's face, came in at around 6 litres gas of 95% methane by volume.

During sentencing, the judge, The Hon Dame Roberts, said, "I accept that you did not intend that your wife should die in this manner, and I note both your grief and regret, which is why I will suspend your sentence on the grounds of time already served. Nonetheless, the conviction remains, in the hope that you will be an example to other husbands and boyfriends across the UK, and a ray of light to their long suffering wives and girlfriends, that this frankly gross, and often dangerous practice can no longer be taken lightly, or risk facing such tragic consequences as you have."
Don't say you weren't warned?
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Old 09-02-13, 04:36 PM   #2
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AHAHAHA!, OH....MY....What a way to go...
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Old 09-02-13, 04:40 PM   #3
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6L gas from inside a person... I call this BS.

If true, defendant, defendee and judge were deeply ignorant.
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Old 09-02-13, 04:44 PM   #4

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The first being Mrs Flannery's military tucking in of the 600 weight cotton sheets when she made the bed that morning, which created a near airtight seal .
Wow. Wow, wow, wow. That gives me a good excuse to not make my bed.
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Old 09-02-13, 05:07 PM   #5

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I am sorry but I cannot find any data on a fart ever having killed anyone. All I can find are urban legends.


Still funny.
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Old 09-02-13, 05:46 PM   #6
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All I can say is that from personal experience, one time I ate a bag of skittles because it's been years since I last ate some. It was just a medium bag. Anyway, as the day went on, gas started to build up inside me and I had to release it by either burping or farting. It took a few hours of farting and burping to get rid of the tummy pain!

I guess that guy somehow collected all of the gas and blasted it out like a nuclear bomb.
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Old 09-02-13, 05:51 PM   #7

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I often kick myself out of bed for farting and panic a HAZMAT team are going to kick my door in and quarantine the entire town.
I'm toxic, don't ever stand behind me. I blame the medication!
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Old 09-02-13, 07:02 PM   #8
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as much indian food as he scarfed down along with the beer i'm surprised he didn't die with all that harmful spice and hops in his stomach. i mean geez one serving of indian food and i'm throwing in the towel!

Definitely gotta be careful with our loved ones any seemingly harmless prank can go wrong like this case and its a simple fact he'll have to live with the fact he lost his wife in a very terrible way. It's kinda funny and then it's not cause you never want your loved one to die in such a manner
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Old 09-02-13, 07:09 PM   #9
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It is completely untrue. But I know for absolute certain that the guy would be dead from eating all that. At the least he would wish he was.


The 8 Pints of Guinness alone would make me pray for death.

Last edited by Soothsayerlive; 09-02-13 at 07:38 PM.
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Old 09-02-13, 08:00 PM   #10
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My brother can turn a tiny jar of kimĚchi into a whole room of toxic gas. I always could just walk out! But for this guy to hold her down for more than 30 seconds in that atmosphere is going a little beyond some practical joke. That guy is seriously deranged!
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Old 09-02-13, 08:36 PM   #11

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Nothing I ever do in my legal career will ever be as awesome as this. What's funnier is that my wife is Indian, I just showed her the article, and we ate Indian food at her parent's house earlier today . . .
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Old 09-02-13, 09:10 PM   #12
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LMFAO people are taking this seriously?

Tripped my B.S. meter right from the off. First of all Peckham Crown Court is a notion worthy of the guys who wrote Only Fools & Horses! London has a central Criminal Court but it certainly isn't in Peckham. Secondly "2nd Degree Manslaughter" doesn't exist in U.K. Law. Degrees of culpability is a concept of American criminal law, over here there's just a charge of either murder or manslaughter period.

Edit: I just googled the Hon. Dame Roberts, she isn't even a Judge, she's curator of the Print room at Windsor Castle. ROFL - there's more horse shit here than at the Grand National!

Last edited by moofburger; 09-02-13 at 09:19 PM.
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Old 09-02-13, 09:12 PM   #13

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The Ronson Writer is an online newspaper and collective blog about the absurd state of modern popular culture. Part satire, part opinion and part vaguely-verified factual reporting, but always (we hope) at least mildly amusing.
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Old 09-02-13, 11:06 PM   #14

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Haha i eat indian food day and night. Nothing like that ever happened.

If 6L of gas production (95% methane) was that easy, we wouldn't be needing all that shoal gas now, right?
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