[coffeedrinker1966]

A wealthy man decided to go on a safari in Africa.

He took his faithful pet dachshund along for company.



One day, the dachshund starts chasing butterflies and before long the dachshund discovers that he is lost.



Wandering about, he notices a leopard heading rapidly in his direction with the obvious intention of having lunch.



The dachshund thinks, "I'm in deep trouble now!



Then he noticed some bones on the ground close by and immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat.



Just as the leopard is about to leap, the dachshund exclaims loudly, "Boy, that was one delicious leopard.



I wonder if there are any more around here?"



Hearing this, the leopard halts his attack in mid-stride, as a look of terror comes over him, and slinks away into the trees.



"Whew," says the leopard. "That was close. That dachshund nearly had me."



Meanwhile, a monkey who had been! watching the whole scene from a nearby tree figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the leopard.



So, off he goes. But the dachshund saw him heading after the leopard with great speed, and figured that something must be up.



The monkey soon catches up with the leopard, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the leopard.



The leopard is furious at being made a fool of and says, "Here monkey, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine."



Now the dachshund sees the leopard coming with the monkey on his back and thinks "What am I going to do now?"



But instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn't seen them yet and just when they get close enough to hear the dachshund says:



"Where's that stupid monkey? I sent him off half an hour ago to bring me another leopard."

[agoodfriend7]

Truly truly awesome joke! Thanks a lot!!

[snorlax01]

that was great you made my day

[L1b3rta]

Very nice twist at the end. The joke is not short, but clever enough!

[SSRCharlieB]

That was pretty good. Thanks for sharing.

Charlie

[banditzz]

this is very clever Doggy

[du1nes]

"Daddy, how was I born?" Junior asks his dad.

His dad, who is a software engineer sighs and replies - "Ah, my son, I guess one day you would have to find out anyway!"

"Well, I saw your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on YAHOO. Then I set up a date via e-mail with your mom and we met at a cyber-cafe. We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, but it was too late to hit the delete button."

"Six weeks later your mom sent me an instant message saying that her operating system was showing signs of unauthorized program activity from a self extracting file which had implanted itself in her BIOS."

Then nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared and said: 'You've Got Male'!

[du1nes]

A man and his wife are driving down the road when a cop pulls them over. The cop says to the man, "Do you know that you were speeding?" The man replies, "No sir, I didn't know I was speeding." The man's wife then yells, "Yes you did, you knew you were speeding I've been telling you to slow down for miles." "SHUT UP!" the man says to his wife, "Shut the hell up, just sit back and be quite."

Then the cop says, "Well since I've got you pulled over did you know that the tag on your license plate is expired?" "No sir." the man replies, "I did not know that" "WHATEVER!" His wife yells, "I've been telling you to go get it up to date for 2 whole months now!" "Shut up" the man yells to his wife again! "Sit back and shut up, mind your own business!"

Curious, the cop walks over to the woman's side of the car and asks her, "Does he always talk to you this way?" "No!" she replies, "Only when he's drinking!"

[du1nes]

A blonde teenage girl, wanting to earn some extra money for the summer, decided to hire herself out as a "handy-woman" and started canvassing a nearby well-to-do neighbourhood. She went to the front door of the first house, and asked the owner if he had any odd jobs for her to do.

"Well, I guess I could use somebody to paint my porch," he said. "How much will you charge me?" Delighted, the girl quickly responded, "How about $50?" The man agreed and told her that the paint brushes and everything she would need was in the garage.

The man's wife, hearing the conversation said to her husband, "Does she realise that our porch goes ALL the way around the house?" He responded, "That's a bit cynical, isn't it?" The wife replied, "You're right... I guess I'm starting to believe all those dumb blond jokes.

Later that day, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.

"You're finished already?" the startled husband asked. "Yes, the blond replied, and I even had paint left over, so I gave it two coats."

Impressed, the man reached into his pocket for the $50.00 and handed it to her along with a ten dollar tip. "And by the way," the blond added, "it's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."

[HBloomie]

That's GREAT! Thanks for sharing.

HBloomie

[HBloomie]

Civic Lesson

In a high school civics class, they were discussing the qualifications for becoming President of the United States. The requirements are pretty simple. The candidate must be a natural born citizen and at least 35 years old.

A blonde girl in the class piped up and began complaining about how unfair it was to require the candidate to be a natural born citizen. In her opinion, that made it impossible for many qualified people to run for the office. She went on and on, wrapping up her argument with "What makes a natural born citizen more qualified to be President than one born by C-Section?"

[coffeedrinker1966]

good jokes made me laugh

[desi_tvm]

excellent jokes. really good...